My ISP shat all over me

17 03 2011

WARNING: This post contains explicit content!
(but I could not do much for the title in the manner of warnings now, could I!)

No can do

16 Mar 2011 – sometime just before midnight
Its bloody late and the clock’s fast approaching midnight and I still cannot get a connection through this EVDO usb modem. Net junkie, you might say. But I have to seriously send an urgent email. Every time I hit this connect button I keep getting the same error and my eyelids are growing quite… quite heavy… words may not come out … come out sounding rrriight….bljDSnsjfdn

Anyway, what I was going to say is that by the end of this week I shall be banking with ANZ if all goes well. That is, if they ride with me and take the joke and processes my application.

Telikom is next in my cross-hair. First I keep getting downtime on my connection, it’s no joke anymore. Heck, Telinet sure would give PNG Power a run for its money if they were competing in the ‘highest number of black-outs’ stakes.

But it’s not only downtime I have to contend with now. Without a single notice they have gone ahead to slash the usage rate by half. So now I get a lousy 50 Mb for K20 instead of 100 Mb. Where’s the bloody courtesy here?  At least a word or a notice in the paper would have sufficed.

What’s worse is that the rate at which my internet credits are running out is just beyond belief. It doesn’t even feel like 50 Mb for K20 anymore. Feels more like 10MB for K20.

I fear there’s a gremlin somewhere eating into my credits. [Insert echos of evil laughter here] But there’s no mechanism in place for me to verify the validity of such an assumption. Who knows? If some Telikom type is reading this then they may go, “You know what they say about assumptions?”

“Yeah sure. Fuck CIA!”

“Why not call customer service?” you ask. Sure. I’m lucky if my call gets picked up within the first minute. Then half the time I have to contend with a very smug sounding customer service personal on the other end who gets my details down and promise to call me, which they do 0 out of 10 times from my last count.

On most other days (forget nights) a transcript of my call to customer care will look something like this.

Yours Truly: He-helloo?
Help Desk: Yes, how may we help you?
YT: Oh, I’m having problems going onto the net.
HD: Ok, what’s exactly the problem?
YT: Your Mama!

Oops. Sorry. Wrong transcript. Here’s the correct one. 🙂

HD: Hello Helpdesk. How may I help you?
YT: Oh yes thanks. I am having problems connecting to the internet through my EVDO modem.
HD: What seems to be the problem?
YT: I keep getting error number 718.
HD: OK, where are you located?
YT: Why, Moresby of course.
HD: Where exactly in Moresby?
YT: Hey is this relevant? Im sure all of the suburbs in POM get fair coverage, yeah? Anyway, don’t worry about it. I live in Morata. That’s right. Land of the free, home of the brave!
HD: Sorry, what was that?
YT: Morata.
HD: Oh ok. What’s your user acc number?
YT: Its 34#####
HD: OK, whats your password?
YT: Why do you want my password?
HD: So that we can reset your account
YT: But don’t you have a backend mechanism to handle such cases without me having to divulge my password to you?
HD: What is a backend mechanism?
YT: That’s another name for a back-hoe.
HD: How do you expect a backhoe to fix your internet problem?
YT: Why, how so dumb of me of course. Back-hoe, backend, back-hoe, backend, back…
HD: Where is this going?
YT: To Rakpana Kui Olge, where else? All I’m saying is, is there any way you can do this without me having to give my password to you?
HD: No there isn’t. If you want me to help you then you have to give me your password.
YT: Oh well. Its 1234.
HD: Ok, I will reset your account. You have to wait 5 minutes after which time all should be ok for you to dial in again.
YT: OK, thank you.
HD: Some of you people do not follow instructions at all. When we say 5 minutes, you wait 5 minutes. Not 4 minutes or 4 and a half minutes.
YT: Sorry what?
HD: Yeah traim na harem tok sampla taim nabad
YT: But I didn’t…

<beep, beep, beep>

Good Laurde! You get the picture?

And I wanted to inquire about that laps of 30 seconds between 4 and a half minutes and the 5 minute mark. Funny thing is, another such call but to a different operator saw this ‘reset’ business done while I was still on the phone with them. Strange.

The logic is just not there. So where is the service? Value for money? I could go on but you get the picture.

So now I am looking at the alternatives out there (limited!).

I am thinking Hitron. I’ll keep you folks posted.


17 Mar  2011 – An Addendum (sometime in the morning before work.)

Well what have we here? Upon another unsuccessful attempt, I called 1531, the Telinet held desk and lo and behold.

The sweet barbie-doll voice of the ever faithful automatic assistant steps in:

“Welcome to Telikom PNG. Due to unforeseen circumstances, we are unable to attend to your call right now. Please delay your call and try again later.”

Well, that’s just grand. Guess I’ll call back next year.



Kaspersky is the Shiiiiit!

17 04 2008
A simple, yet twisted narration of praise for a software (….and some afterthoughts)
This is the first time in my life(!)that I am tapping away at the keyboard with a huge grin on my dial. Not that I have never done that. Heck, I live this shiit! 🙂 On most cases when you see me doing that, it is usually when I am exchanging stupid jokes with friends over the net or when I am “whispering” some sweet nothings into the virtual ears of some sweet, petite little flirt mates somewhere in the blue beyond of the World Wide Web. (Which reminds me. I caught on the tubic *box that some of these “girls” at often times turn out to be some mean, moustached, neck-less hulk, who had dropped one too many bars of soap in the shower block during their days in the Pen. Some say they would have easily passed for a hairy version of the hunchback of Notre Dame if only for a hunch and not the vandalism and desecration of their skin with buzzing needles and flowing ink. Uuugghhh… Shiver me timbers! Have to stop this, really :-p ). 


No. The reason I am grinning loudly enough for my gums and teeth to dry up from overexposure is because of Kaspersky. This is the first time I am actually singing praises for a computer software and am actually writing it down. Kaspersky is an anti-virus software. After considerable review and benchmark testing of all the big names in the area of virus protection, it is rated by most sites as the Numero Uno(or at least close)in the defence against these little gremlins. But first, let me explain why I am grinning and having enough affinity towards something as inanimate as a piece of software to take time out to write this piece on it.


I recently had my computer infected with a virus. It just totally prevented me from accessing the registry of my computer (regedit) to manually check for any discrepancies in the settings. I could not even get to load up any command prompt window. I tried everything all to no avail except the last resort of going through the tedious process of backing up my data files and doing a disk reformat and a clean re-install of the operating system.:-( Oh yeah. After pulling out what’s left of my hair, of course


But guess what? I finally got it up now! No, it’s not Viagra. After loading up my trial version of Kaspersky with the latest virus definitions, I ran a scan and cleaned up my PC with it. It cleaned up the machine pretty good. And now I can get both the regedit and cmd files working. The final thing I have to do is to find the respective removal tools and all should be good. Hopefully. 


Here concludes the story,
of how my hair was quickly saved from being crudely shaved!
of how “The Old Axe” was revived with a test drive!

Thanks Dr. Green Thumb. You’re the Shiiiit.
Oops! I meant,
Thanks Kaspersky. You’re the bomb!
Fo shizzle, fizzle,
wizzle, weazles,  Of Mice and Men, rats and referees,
dizzle, benzin, petrol,  kerosin, 
price is reaching for the stars na mi diring kold-o warra
Spoils of my soiled pants and toil to Inter-oil for my own oil
And the rest of the “izzle” shizzles are waitin on the bench

for now….



*Tubic– Derived from the word Tube and Cubic, the former word for the glass cathode ray tube  found inside the traditional TV set, and the latter to describe the general shape of the encasement(box) of a traditional TV set. Hence, the word tubic is used to refer to a TV set. 

Its usage is usually in precession with the word ‘box’, but technically speaking, such a collaborative usage would be deemed as a case of repetition in a sentence.


Go tell the world where you first heard this word. That’s right. History in the making, baby!



Digicel Tests Out New Information SMS

17 01 2008

 The Leprechaun

Digicel is curently testing out a new info txting service. 4 da price of a nomal sms txt msg u can get ur horoscope, news headlines n results frm NRL, weather reports, MTV music chart n even jokes in ur txt inbox.

All u hav 2 do is txt da respective code to 4636 n u get ur info. 4 eg, say u r a Capricorn n u want ur horoscope. Then u jus txt in da word CAP n simply send 2 4636. U should receive ur horoscope soon afta. If u txt NRL n send 2 4636, then u will get all da latest news making headlines in NRL plus game results if there r any games on.

It may not be a live TV feed or anything but it is, nonetheless a step in the right direction.


I am so looking forward to the 25th of Jan 2008.

Found a Rat in me Inbox

12 10 2007

Exterminate the bastaard

This morning I found another rat in my inbox. That’s right. A dirty rat.

Clocked in, logged in and clicked my inbox and there it was. Disfigured from continuous flogging by the different inboxes and email clients it saw on its way to my mailbox. Large, smelly, taking up space and simply being an inconvenience.

Yesterday afternoon it sneaked in, disguised as a toddler who was dying from Leukemia, playing its twisted tongue on the emotions and gullibility of people – one who so happened to have my email address and decided to forward it to me, so that AOL can give 5 cents to the medical expanse of that “poor kid”.
Dirty Rat!

On other occasions, its some stupid Good luck charm that has been passed around the world for the last 50 to 100 odd f#*king years.
Dirty Rat!

This morning, it read “Do you love this guy?” The body of the email had an image of an Anglo-Saxon “Jesus”. The conclusion of these emails is always the same. “If you love Jesus, Pass this on to 10 people or more.”

And if I don’t? I face eternal damnation in Hell, right?
And if I don’t, it means I do not love Jesus, right? Come ooofff it.
You don’t win souls by annoying the f#*k out of somebody?

If going to Heaven was this easy, why do I have to go to church and weather the monotony of another robotic recital of chants of “Hail Mary’s”? Might as well buy a computer, hook it up to the internet, start sending shiitloads of these emails to everybody in my contact list for my ticket to Heaven. Eazy Peazy? Tell me about another way you can get your neighbour to love you.

Dirty Rats! That’s what these emails are.

Dirty Rats!

I swear, from now on if I receive another such email, I am blocking that person from emailing me again. Be they friend of foe!


An Addendum

There are also hoax emails that get passed around about virus scares and free gifts, etc. You might want to check out these links to verify the authenticity of these emails before you pass it on to your contacts.


Digicel Kilim Paia Blo B-mobile

15 08 2007

The Leprechaun
The red leprechaun is coming from all corners and has Gulliver reaching for the ropes. A hook here, a jab there, another left, Awwww…. That was a shocker of a upper cut.
You got knocked the f!@#%k out, B!

Well that would be the call from the commentator if this was a boxing match. And maybe Digicel may not be exactly a leprechaun in stature but, well it’s Irish, right.

Anyway, as you may well be aware, with the advance of Digicel into the mobile phone market a coupla weeks back, Telikom has finally awoken from its slumber and has been stirred into action from years of inactivity by competition.

In their mad scramble to even scores with Digicel, they are resorting to copying the exact same marketing strategies employed by Digicel. Such ideas like giving away a b-mobile sim card inclusive of K10 pre-paid call credits in exchange for a digicel simcard, to name one. The price of a prepaid startup kit (sim card) has also been dropped from K125 to only K25 overnight.

Then we have those Telikom billboards popping up here and there and that fancy ass ad on TV. It’s soooo ridiculously corny (smells like BSP). So I ask: Where were they all these time? And can you believe the fact that Telikom had to go overseas to hire an aussie company to create its ad while Digicel just contracted a PNG-based media company to create its ad – na website tu? Well, believe it! And Telikom/B-Mobile is supposed to be a government owned enterprise.

Talk about patriotism!

The battle between the two has even been taken out onto the street with the general populace. Well, maybe “battle” is not the exact verb to describe it.
Its not like, “Hey, I’m a Ford man” and “Ok, Im a Holden man”. Its more like:

  1. “Yaah, Im a B-Mobile user and want to go Digicel but I cannot call B-mobile phones and landlines yah…” or
  2. “I’ll have both a Digicel phone and a B-mobile only for calling local landlines and b-mobile number…” and then theres the lot who go ….
  3. … ” Screw B-mobile. I’m switching to Digicel!”

Know what I mean???
This is simply because with its record of poor customer service, Telikom already has a negetive image out there that it’s more of a uphill struggle for Telikom. As a result, it’s holding onto anything within sight to remain on its feet. Which brings me to the next point.

The only card its holding onto now is inter-connectivity. An issue Telikom has been deliberately avoiding to discuss with Digicel, according to news and public media. This is what was posted on the Masalai Blog in relation to this subject matter:

“…. A good point raised by Mr. Wade of EMTV during questions was what Digicel felt towards the interconnectivity issue and the prospect of running a parallel mobile network in the country. Digicel stated that interconnection discussions have been attempted to be made with Telikom but Telikom have so far dragged out the issue so long now that no resolution on it has been made. Under ICCC however interconnectivity is a requirement for Telikom and Digicel has the right to request interconnectivity from Telikom. Digicel said that their biggest hurdle since setting up in PNG has been the interconnectivity issue. Because of this position by Telikom, Digicel said their strategy will now be to reach 2 million users within 18 months. They now already have 20,000 customers on board.” Digicel Here to Stay: The Masalai Blog

But at the way things are going, this “card” will have to be surrendered soon unless the government again concocts up some other new bill out of the blue ether to say, Telikom will not allow this (inter-connectivity between networks/mobile carriers) to be implemented.

I say, this is all bulshi!tt really. I caint wait for this issue to be resolved by ICCC so that a B-mobile user can talk to a Digicel phone and vice versa. Then I can finally get to glue a smug grin on me dial the next time I pass by boroko Post Office to see an empty phone booth. Its about time the small people of the land have a fair go and pave way for further investments.

Now I’m keeping my ears open for anything to do with the introduction of broadband at grass rutz prices 🙂

More articles of interest related to this can be found at these links:
The mobile phone war of PNG
Digicel Woos More in PNG
Various articles relating Digicel at The Masalai Blog

That’s it for the day, folks.

And my small kid brother goes “ju-ju-jel” 🙂


aaahhh… smell that air.

14 08 2007

Orchid from Enga  Don’t you love that feeling when you finally get something to work just like how you had pictured it in your mind? Exhilarating, isn’t it….

I know this may be something that’ll make you go “duuhh” but that was exactly what I got when I finally got to create an icon file that actually started working right away (meaning it showed up there :-p) when I uploaded and refreshed my test page.

Plus I got to get some of my scripts for toggling news and outputting weather reports from an external xls file working.

Ooohhhh aaaahhhh… smell that fresh air.

OK, ok…. back to work before I lose track.

door knocking

8 08 2007

With no traffic coming thru this way, I had to go door knocking ….this is a transcript of my email to folkes in my contact list telling them about this place….

Hey ol wandoks,
If you are bored catch me here … This is just a place where I setup just to ramble and rant about this and that and everything in between….
Believe me its craptastically sh!t…. Pop in if you are bored anyway……
Well I was bored anyway. You can say what you want to and do what you want to here…. In fact this is the only place where you can actually diss me and get away without me punching you head in…Ok, scratch that ‘punching your head in bit’… u know i would never harm a fly…. Anybody who knows me know I preach LOVE not war.
Welcome to…….T h e B l o g u s e u m
I encourage you to get one for yourself if you can kill time like me. ;-)See y’all there.

PS: Did I mention I was too lazy to write to the newspaper’s view point section ??? 🙂 duh

%d bloggers like this: